| Author | Topic: Flame (Read 76 times) |
burner So-so
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Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male  Posts: 103 Karma: 0 |  | Flame « Thread Started on Aug 3, 2008, 1:56pm » | |
Image URL: Character Name: Flame Age: unknown Total Weight: 20 stone Total Height: 2 metres Date of conception: unknown Gender: Male Species: mutant Place of conception: secret laboritory on a distant planet Place of Residence: abandoned building Appearance: tall,muscular,orange,spiky(head spikes are bigger than back spikes) big spiked fists Alliance: Hero Fight?: CHOOSE ONE Special Attacks: firestorm: causes alot of collateral damadge
rage smash: the more angry he is the more damadge this attack does.
fire rush: turns himself into a massive fireball and charges at the enemy. it runs a high risk of hurting himself.
mighty beam: creates a massive beam of fire while firing he cannot move has zero defence and for 1 hour after cannot weild a weapon as it would melt. Special Moves: fly: uses fire to fly Motto [Optional]: Personality: a good joker but when he loses his temper... History: he was created in a abandoned lab. he was tortured every day until he broke out when one of the experiments went wrong and gave him powers. he found a space shuttle but was shot down. luckily he survived. Personality: a good joker but when he loses his temper... History: he was created in a abandoned lab. he was tortured every day until he broke out when one of the experiments went wrong and gave him powers. he found a space shuttle but was shot down. luckily he survived. Current: he is questing to find and destroy the lab that nearly killed him Marital/Romance: none at moment Finalities: although tough he is weak to phycic attacks. he likes to tinker with machines although he usually makes mistakes. he is mentally unstable due to the torture hes taken. he gets angry easily and has really bad flashbacks. also has a split personality. When he is not angry he is funny and laid back. when he is angry he is dead serious.
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burner So-so
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Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male  Posts: 103 Karma: 0 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #1 on Aug 3, 2008, 2:09pm » | |
sorry i cant get a picture of him the tutorial wont load if i can arange it i will send you a picture of him personally 13last.
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Noxedwin Tepes
Joined: Mar 2005 Gender: Male  Posts: 1,555 Location: Oxfordshire, England Karma: 23 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #2 on Mar 4, 2009, 4:10pm » | |
Criticisms:
The list is mostly STAT related. I.E.: Super Slam: Having a fist the size of a small refrigerator is a little too big. Also, claiming it can flatten almost any enemy is a no. Fireball: Having an attack that can knockback does litle for the Mary Sue argument when the purpose is blinding every living creature in the vicinity. How can something nearly three metres tall (which is a criticism in it's own right) weigh only fifteen stone? I weigh fifteen stone. Ultimate Form: Such forms are usually only available after collecting a series of MacGuffins. The Blue Hedgehog's form comes after the arduous pilgrimage of seven gemstones. The Keyblade Wielder's ultimate form comes as a result of slaying enough creatures to populate the whole of Russia. Although, Konoko (Oni) only gets her super form after overpowering herself with healing hyposprays. These restrictions are only based on how powerful they are. As such, Super Sonic is only THREE times as powerful as his Normal Form, because the Blue Hedgehog is so damned capable in his own right. "
Coming up with über powers and then simply counteracting them with character foibles is, in retrospect, not the best method. If you find out you put too much salt in the cooking pot, you don't immediately rush for the sugar. Making a well-rounded and balanced character is a difficult chemistry.
I'm not going to generate a verdict yet, not until another experienced RolePlayer sees it. This application will be suspended instead of denied.
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Name: Nox Tepes Age: 15 Species: Feline/European Dragon
Weapons: [Primary] Kingdom Keyblade, [Secondary] StarSeeker Keyblade, [Auxillary] Dragon Fang pleck Keychain Apparel: Simple Red and White Buckled Shoes, White Gloves, Form Garb Miscellaneous Yellow Chaos Emerald, Red Chaos Emerald (Meun) |
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burner So-so
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Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male  Posts: 103 Karma: 0 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #3 on Mar 5, 2009, 10:31am » | |
ok ill tweak it again.
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Noxedwin Tepes
Joined: Mar 2005 Gender: Male  Posts: 1,555 Location: Oxfordshire, England Karma: 23 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #4 on Mar 5, 2009, 11:17am » | |
Getting closer. I refer you to my earlier post concerning the cooking pot and the seasoning. You're trying too hard to balance your Firebeam attack. You're making extreme power and balancing it with extreme penalty afterwards. Try mixing power and penalty together by, say, immobility or lowered defense WHILE casting the attack.
And please sort out your grammar. You'd score more points if you used capital letters and proper punctuation.
I've decided to NOT include the second opinion because it's pig-headed and judgementally biased.
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![[image]](http://www.mubos-md.com/brawlcards/cards/qbaejjgo.png) I'm a better Brawler than this. Click my card and raise my Level some.
Name: Nox Tepes Age: 15 Species: Feline/European Dragon
Weapons: [Primary] Kingdom Keyblade, [Secondary] StarSeeker Keyblade, [Auxillary] Dragon Fang pleck Keychain Apparel: Simple Red and White Buckled Shoes, White Gloves, Form Garb Miscellaneous Yellow Chaos Emerald, Red Chaos Emerald (Meun) |
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burner So-so
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Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male  Posts: 103 Karma: 0 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #5 on Mar 6, 2009, 6:32am » | |
ok will do.
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Elementus... Give me your power. ELEMENTAL BLAST! (Attack does: OMG PWNAGE damage)
Joined: May 2007 Gender: Male  Posts: 1,248 Location: England Karma: 12 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #6 on Jun 1, 2009, 9:43pm » | |
Using fire to fly? Now THAT is an original idea, (Or at least original compared to most of the ideas for our roleplays. ) And umm, Collateral Damage means doing damage to the environment/civillians, is this a misunderstanding or an intended flaw to help keep balance? Describe how he got back from this "Distant Planet". Describe more personality other than "Mentally Unstable", e.g. Compassionate, loyal, Stubborn ect. And most important of all, make sure it all blends together well. The tinkering seems like a simple add on. Scavia's Technology is not too advanced so it is lacking in the machines department but still, if you'd like you can explain his hobby more, and if we make more roleplays then machines would possibly appear more prominently. More attacks would do good and mix it up, add variety.
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burner So-so
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Joined: Mar 2008 Gender: Male  Posts: 103 Karma: 0 |  | Re: Flame « Reply #7 on Jul 7, 2009, 1:01pm » | |
ok ill tweak him again. collateral damadge means it does damadge to everything like surf in a game of pokemon enviroment people enemies other players. etc etc. it is a attempt also to balance him out a little.
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